Apparently I need to read more from Andy Stanley. While doing some work for a client, I came across this passage from his book, It Came From Within!
Perhaps the major reason we rarely stop to monitor our hearts is that it was never encouraged. As children, were taught instead to monitor our behavior. In other words, we were taught to behave. If we behaved properly, good things happened, regardless of what was going on in our hearts. If we misbehaved, not-so-good things happened. My parents believed in spanking. So the not-so-good things got my attention early. I modified my behavior so as to avoid pain, and I’ve been doing that ever since….
But it’s not just our avoidance of pain that drives us. Good behavior can be rewarding. As a professional Christian – a pastor, by trade – I am paid to be good. So I have learned to modify my words and behavior so as not to damage my reputation and, thus, my career. You’ve no doubt done the same thing. Whatever your job, there are some things you just won’t do. Not because you don’t want to, but because of the professional ramifications. Perhaps there are some words and phrases you won’t use, in spite of the fact that they accurately convey what you are feeling. I’ll bet there are some people you pretend to like because it is beneficial to you. …
But all of this pretending can be problematic because pretending allows you to ignore the true condition of your heart. As long as you say the right thing and do the right thing, you’re tempted to believe that all is well. That’s what your childhood experience taught you. But when your public performance becomes too far removed from who you are in your heart, you’ve been set up for trouble. Eventually your heart – the real you – will outpace your attempts to monitor and modify everything you say and do. The unresolved issues stirring around undetected in your heart will eventually work their way to the surface. Specifically, they will seep into your actions, your character, and your relationships. If your heart continues to go unmonitored, whatever ‘thing’ is growing in there will worsen to the point that you are no longer able to contain it with carefully managed words and behaviors.
(p. 21-23)